Out Of Touch
by Violet to Blue
Summary: Sequel to It's All Decided For Us. After what happened everybody expects Joe to pick up the pieces of his life and go on. But instead Joe loses his grip on reality. Will Levon in the end be able to persuade his partner that his life is worth the effort? Warning: Drugs, Angst and a cliffhanger.
1. Chapter 1

Standard Disclaimer: Houston Knights belongs to Jay Bernstein and Michael Butler and Columbia Pictures. No copyright infringement is intended. This is fan fiction, written out of love for the show. I am making no money off this. I have no money so please don't sue me. Any original characters who may appear in these stories are the property of the author.

Houston Knights Fanfiction

 **Out Of Touch**

 ****Sequel to _ **It´s All Decided For Us**_

Summery: After what happened everybody expects Joe to pick up the pieces of his life and go on. But instead Joe loses his grip on reality. Will Levon in the end be able to persuade his partner that his life is worth the effort? Warning: Drugs and Angst and a cliffhanger.

Violet to Blue

 **Chapter 1**

Ever since they had pulled Joe back into life he had felt strangely disconnected, detached and out of place. Seen from the outside it still might be his life. The difference seemed to be minor, just like in _A Space Odyssey_ , the film he had seen as an adolescent. It was as if everything had been turned inside out, he felt he was standing behind rather than in front of the mirror. Everything was on the wrong side, and in everything he did Joe felt misplaced and strangely out of touch.

They all were glad that he was ok and they all presumed that he would soon be fully restored. But as time passed Joe realized that this wasn´t the case, in fact everything had changed, no, he had ultimately changed. He settled into a life that wasn´t his own anymore. He had turned into a mere observer, floating above and watching his own life from the outside.

The only thing that was still his own was the pain, the physical as well as the mental pain that with time became a constant companion and a reminder of what had happened.

XIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIX

Levon had brought a small bag of clothes for Joe to the hospital, shoes, toiletries. Joe had dressed and he had disappeared for a short final consultation into the doc´s office. Levon waited outside looking at the tickets and anxiously checking his watch. He wasn´t keen to miss the flight back. With the workload at the Major Crimes Unit at Houston it had been hard to make time for the trip to pick Joe up at South Lake Tahoe. But Levon had promised to come personally to take Joe back to Houston.

Gauging Joe´s reaction to their meeting now Levon wasn´t sure if his partner really appreciated his effort.

The door to the doc´s office flew open and Joe stepped out.

"Yah ready?" Levon asked, picking up the bag he had set down.

"Yeah."

"Mr. LaFiamma," a voice from inside the office called.

Joe turned back. The bodiless voice of the secretary rang out: "You forgot the letter for your physician and your meds."

Joe stepped back into the office and when he came out again he slipped an envelope into the breast pocket of his jacket. "Thank you." He turned to Levon and handed him the small paper bag with the medication to stash into the travel bag. "Come on, let´s get going."

It was only a short ride to the airport and the flight was announced to leave on time. Levon handed in the baggage at the check in desk and half an hour later they were airborne.

They hadn´t exchanged more than a dozen words since they had met and trying to read Joe´s mood Levon wasn´t expecting a livelier conversation during the flight either. He sighed and settled deeply into his seat, closing his eyes and pretending to drift off into a deep sleep almost instantaneously.

Joe seemed tense and unable to relax. He eyed Levon, trying to assess if the Texan was really asleep and he continued fidgeting. Dismissing the offer of the stewardess of a drink and a newspaper Joe finally pulled out the envelope the doc´s secretary had handed him. Once again he looked over at Levon, to make sure his partner was indeed asleep. Though Joe was still hindered by the sling that held his arm he cautiously pried open the sealed envelope. It contained three sheets of paper. Joe read all of them attentively. Then he slipped two back into the envelope, whereas he refolded the remaining one and put it into his breast pocket.

Even though it looked like it, Levon hadn´t been asleep. He wondered what Joe was doing with the papers. Levon hadn´t been able to read any of the writing. But Joe´s behavior was strange, that much he could tell for sure.

After touchdown at Houston Hobby Airport they waited at the conveyor belt for the baggage. Levon knew that it was time to broach the subject that had been on his mind for a while. "Why don´t you come and stay at the ranch for those two weeks of sick leave you´ve got left?"

Joe looked at him in surprise but after a split second his face closed. "Nah, you´ll be working all the time and it´s not even my place. Thanks, but I´d rather stay at my apartment." Joe sighted the bag and stepped towards the belt to pick it up.

But Levon beat him to it. "Let me get this, you´re not supposed to carry anything yet." He did not comment on Joe´s rejection of the invitation. He had not really expected Joe to go for his suggestion. "Ok, but if you want to stay at your place we´ll have to stop for some groceries on the way, your fridge is empty."

Joe looked uneasy. "I don´t have any cash at hand, sorry, I won´t be able to spend any money before I get to the bank to make a withdrawal."

Levon could see that Joe had not considered this before, he looked a bit helpless, as if he felt uneasy about being at the mercy of his partner.

Levon smiled. "Don´t worry, I´ll give you an advance." They headed for the parking lot.

"Levon, I´m not sure when I´ll be able to repay you…"

"I know that I´m not the only one you´ve borrowed money from, but really, don´t worry. I can wait." Levon slapped Joe´s shoulder.

Joe blushed. "How do you know?"

"Well, Annie told us when you were kidnapped." Levon tried to sound neutral. "You could have asked me, you know that, don´t yah?"

"I did not want to push my luck," Joe answered contritely. "After the last time…"

They passed the ride to the supermarket in silence. Joe picked some supplies for his fridge but against his habit he went for the cheapest products. Levon could see the strategy behind it and he did not comment.

At Joe´s apartment Levon set down both the baggage and the paper bag with the groceries. When he started to unpack the groceries Joe held him back.

"Thanks, I can handle that. Don´t bother, I´m not an invalid."

Levon looked slightly irritated. "Ok, please yourself. But you let me know when you need anything, ok?"

Joe nodded. "I´m ok, really." But the expression in his eyes said something totally different.

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It had been a busy few weeks. The phone hadn´t stood still during this crucial time Michael LaFiamma had overseen the merger of his family business with that of Disanto´s. The necessary reorganization had proved to be more tiresome than the mob boss had expected and it would still take some time for the waves to calm and the community to return to its usual equilibrium. There were just too many forces behind the scenes working against him, something he had slightly underestimated.

This was one of the reasons why Michael LaFiamma answered his business line not without a sense of wary anticipation. The voice at the other end, however, brought a smile to his tense face.

"Joey, good to hear you. How are you doing, kid?"

"I´m ok, Uncle Mikey."

The mob boss wondered at the underlying note of sadness in his nephew´s voice. "Listen Joey, I wanted to come see you, but you know how things are, with the business and all."

"It´s ok, Uncle Mikey, I understand that, don´t worry. I just want to ask something of you."

The mob boss cringed. He hoped Joe didn´t want any information referring to the business. That he couldn´t provide such likes to a cop, no matter how closely related, he had made clear a long time ago.

"Joey, you know…"

"Not what you think, Uncle Mikey. I need Renaldo Disanto´s phone number."

Michael LaFimma sighed. "Kid, do you think this is a good idea? Haven´t you been through enough? I´m pretty sure Julia´s father won´t even talk to you. Why don´t you just let it go, Joey?"

There was a short silence and the mob boss wondered if the slight tremble in his nephew´s voice was due to the bad line. "Please, Uncle Mikey, just give me the number, I really need to talk to him."

"Ok, have it your way then. You got something to write?"

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Levon felt distracted. He could not keep his mind on the job he had to do. Instead he was worrying about his partner. While he was going through a report he found his mind wandering to the trip back from South Lake Tahoe. He did not notice Annie Hartung who passed by his desk on her way out from Joanne´s office.

"Hi Levon." Annie had brought her wheelchair to a halt at his side.

Levon looked up in surprise. "Oh, Annie, sorry, I didn´t notice you."

"You ok, Levon?" Annie´s sixth sense could always detect when something was bothering him.

"Yeah, sure, Annie, everything´s just fine." Inwardly Levon asked for forgiveness for the blatant lie.

She raised an eyebrow. "You wanna try again?"

Levon smiled. "Ok, I know Annie, there´s just no way I can fool you, can´t I?"

"You´re right, sugar. So what´s weighing you down?"

"I´m I so transparent?"

"I guess I´ve known you long enough to recognize the signs." She smiled back at him. "Is it about your partner?"

Levon sighed. "Yeah. I don´t know what to make of his behavior."

"How is Joey?"

"I don´t know, I would have thought he was glad to be back. But he´s so distant, just not like himself."

"Well, I guess you need to give him some time, he´s been through a rough patch. It is bound to take a while to get back to normal after what happened to him."

"Yeah, I hope that´s all there is to it." Levon pinched the bridge of his nose. "Annie, I´m worried sick about Joe, and I really don´t know how to deal with him. He´s…he´s…I don´t know…just like he´s not really there."

"Then look out for him, perhaps he needs your help," Annie suggested.

"Hard to do that if he rejects even to see me. He wouldn´t let me help him."

"Well, he´s just like you, you wouldn´t want anyone to mother you either, do you?" She winked. "You could be twins."

Levon couldn´t help but smile at her. "Yeah, fat chance."

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In the depth of the night Joe lay awake, yet again. He hadn´t slept since he had been back in Houston. In the hospital in South Lake Tahoe they had given him a barbiturate to help with the insomnia. He had asked for a prescription when he had left but the doc had refused to grant it and had stressed that Joe wasn´t supposed to take any sleeping pills constantly. And especially not in combination with the painkillers which he still needed regularly. Though his kidneys had healed and the bruises weren´t as painful as before Joe still felt a constant dull pain in his lower back. When he had mentioned it to the doc during the final consultation the physician had expressed his hope that the discomfort would abate soon and recommended to gradually reduce the pain killers over the next two weeks.

Joe rolled on his side and turned on the light on the nightstand. The notepad with Renaldo Disanto´s number lay beside the glass of water and the box of painkillers. He looked at the alarm. It was half past three. There was no way he could call the old man at this time of night.

Joe sighed and sat up. He took a painkiller out of the plastic container and downed it with a few swigs of water. If only he could get some sleep. He got up and headed for the spiral staircase that led to the living room. As he descended his thoughts revolved around Julia and their meeting in Las Vegas. His chest constricted with the sheer pain of loss and when he stood in the middle of his living room he started to sob uncontrollably. He slumped down on the couch and let the wave of grief wash over him.

It was well over an hour later that his tears slowly subsided. Drained from the crying Joe dropped to one side to lie down and close his eyes.

Slowly he felt sleep claim him. Dreamlike images started to fill his mind, gaining momentum and reeling past in a quickening succession. When they manifested in Julia´s image he almost violently jerked up and was instantly wide awake again. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Four days should be enough, Levon thought. He had left Joe to his self-imposed solitude and he had come to the conclusion that it was time to check if his partner was ok.

Around mid-morning Levon gave Joe a call, hoping not to rouse him from sleep. But Joe´s phone was busy. Levon redialed several times, always getting a busy tone. He decided to push the feeling of worry aside for another two hours.

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For the past week Renaldo Disanto hadn´t received any phone calls except those from his younger daughters. Now that the conveyance of his business to Michael LaFiamma was almost completed he was beginning to feel ambiguous about its significance to his further life. Yes, he had gotten rid of the responsibility that had been weighing him down. But the downside was that he suddenly felt cut off from life itself, as if robbed of a purpose to structure his daily routine around. For centuries his life had solely revolved around the family business and now all of a sudden he felt like an old man pushed aside.

Reluctantly he picked up the phone, wondering how to talk his daughters out of wanting to take him in. He knew they meant well but he just wasn´t ready to give up his independence yet.

The deep and slightly raspy male voice at the other end of the line took him by surprise. "Mr. Disanto, I need to talk to you. It´s Joe LaFiamma."

"You´ve got some nerve, that´s for sure." the old man uttered through gritted teeth. He could hear the younger man inhale in response to his sharp retort.

"Mr. Disanto, I need to know if you´ve heard from Julia." Joe tried to keep his tone neutral and steady, yet he could hardly suppress the slight trembling in his voice.

"LaFiamma, you know quite well that you´ve forfeited every right to learn anything about Giulietta the day you jilted her."

"Sir, I need to know if she is ok." Joe felt a rising desperation.

"Are you not the last person she spoke to?" Disanto laughed coarsely. "I guess you know more about her than I do."

Joe had to admit that Julia´s father was right. Searching for the right words he hesitated.

"And am I not right to presume that she told you about her plans to leave Chicago for good?" DiSanto´s voice was full of rage and sarcasm.

"Sir, I only learned about it when we met in Las Vegas. You gotta believe me… really…"

"See! Just like I said. Even though you ruined her prospects as a reputable wife all those years ago she trusted you more than she did her own family."

"It´s just that I´m worried about her. I want to make sure that she´s ok," Joe put in, trying to placate the former mob boss.

"She´s on her own now, it´s what she chose for herself. If you want to know where she is you´d better start using that fabulous skill as a detective your uncle keeps boasting about." Disanto spat out the words with an ample coloring of scorn. "Now get off my line and never call again, yah hear?" With a click the line went dead.

For a long time Joe just sat with the receiver still in his hand while the busy sign kept sounding over and over.

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As his lunch hour approached Levon gave Joe another call. When he found that the line was still busy he picked up his jacket and donned his hat. During the sort ride to his partner´s apartment he tried to keep calm though he felt strangely uneasy. Perhaps Joe had just left the phone off the hook to get some undisturbed sleep.

"Joe, you in there?" Levon banged on the door, then halted to listen attentively. He tried again, getting no more of a reaction than the first time. At last he decided to use the spare key he kept to Joe´s door.

Fortunately the door wasn´t locked from the inside. Cautiously Levon stepped in, again calling Joe´s name. The interior was dim, the blinds down against the harsh midday sun. When his eyes had adjusted to the low lighting Levon looked around the empty living room. Without hesitation he quickly mounted the staircase, taking in the empty bedroom. The door to the bathroom was slightly ajar but the room was empty as well.

Joe wasn´t home.

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"Sir, this is really the cheapest flight we have on offer during the next ten days." The pretty young blonde at the airline counter smiled at him apologetically.

Joe weighed his options. The flight was more than he could afford right now but he had no choice. "Could you hold that offer for me for a few minutes? I need to place a call."

"Of course, Sir, just take your time."

Joe headed for the line of public phones and dialed the station. "Put me through to Sergeant Hartung, please."

"Sergeant Hartung." Annie´s voice was soft but businesslike nonetheless.

"Annie, it´s Joe."

"Joey, that´s a surprise for sure. How are you doing?"

"I´m fine Annie, thanks."

Thinking back to her conversation with Levon a short while ago Annie wondered how she should go about this so that Joe would open up a bit. "Joey, we are all worried about you. Why don´t you call once in a while and just let us know you´re ok?"

"Sorry Annie, didn´t mean to keep you worrying. And why shouldn´t I be ok, just sitting at home and all?"

"Well, alright, I know you don´t like to be mothered. Am I right to assume that you´ve called for a reason?"

"Yeah, you´re right." Annie could hear that Joe was as usual slightly embarrassed to voice what was on his mind. "It´s about that money I owe you, Annie, the amount you lent me for the flight."

"What about it. Joey?"

"I know I said I´d give it back next payday." There was a short pause. "But I´m a bit tight right now and I´d like to ask you if I could postpone the repayment for another month?"

Annie frowned. She knew that Joe´s spending habits were hopeless. "Joey, you´re not getting yourself into some kind of trouble, are you?"

"No, not at all, Annie. It´s just with the sick leave and all I didn´t get around to go to the bank. So I couldn´t withdraw the money to repay it to you." Joe knew that it was just as well that Annie wasn´t able to see him. His blush at the shameless lie would without doubt have given him away at once. He held his breath waiting for her answer.

But she let it pass. Instead she steered the conversation to a different subject. "Joey, have you spoken to Levon recently?"

"No, why?" Joe tried to sound innocent "What´s wrong with him?"

"Nothing, Joey, but he´s worried about you. Remember? You´re partners."

"Yeah, sure, but as I said, I´m fine. You mustn´t worry and neither must Levon. Tell him so when you see him."

"Well, it wouldn´t hurt you if you told him yourself, would it?"

"Ok, ok, guess you´re right. I´ll call him myself then. And thanks for the postponement, Annie."

Her voice reflected her smile. "You take care, Joey."

Joe hung up the receiver and let out a sigh of relief. He wiped his forehead. He was a bad liar. Perhaps that was the reason why he had stayed clear of a criminal career, he mused with a smile.

When he stepped up to the airline counter again he felt slightly more at ease. The pretty blonde smiled at him expectantly.

"I´ll take that ticket," he said, giving her his most dazzling smile.

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Seizing the chance Levon looked around the apartment more closely. He knew he had no right but he just could not help it. He was worried about his partner and he tried to convince himself that this alone was enough of a justification.

He opened the blinds to get a better view. The bed was in total disarray, on a chair and also on the ground lay piles of clothes, creased and carelessly thrown one over the other. Normally Joe was very particular about handling his expensive clothes. Levon had never seen such a chaos in Joe´s flat before. Normally the place was a picture of neatness and tidiness.

Levon stepped up to the nightstand and scanned the two empty blister packs beside the empty glass. He recognized a strong painkiller. There was also a plastic container of another type of painkiller, half empty and lying on its side, some of the pills spilled out on the nightstand.

Giving in to his curiosity Levon pulled open the drawer of the nightstand. His gaze fell on a box, cautiously he opened the lid and was relieved to come across Joe´s set of guns.

Levon switched on the light in the bathroom. The shower had been used only recently. The blinking light of the electric shaver standing in its charger indicated that it too had been employed. So Joe had tried to make himself presentable before leaving.

Levon turned off the light and headed back downstairs. He recalled the living room from previous occasions. The picture at hand did not resemble the room he remembered. The whole place was untidy, papers and unopened mail was strewn about the coffee table, a few empty water bottles lay underneath. A blanket which seemed to have been used on the couch was half dragged to the floor.

At last Levon examined the kitchen. Perhaps Joe was out shopping. But most of the stuff they had picked up at the supermarket four days ago was still in the fridge, untouched and unopened. A look into the trash can confirmed that Joe had not consumed any takeaway food or food that had been delivered to the door.

Levon found all his worries confirmed. Something was wrong with his partner. But what was he supposed to do? He did not even know where Joe was right now. He looked at his watch. His lunch break was almost over. He needed to get back to work. He had an appointment with the DA scheduled in half an hour.

On his way to the door Levon passed the phone and realized that the receiver lay beside the device, the appliance constantly issuing a busy sign. Levon picked the receiver up and put it back on the cradle. Now at least he would be able to phone Joe.

XIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIX

The two-day trip to Las Vegas had been a waste of time. And of money, money which Joe in fact didn´t have.

Under the pretext of being a PI and looking for one Julia Disanto on the grounds of a family matter he had combed through all of the car rental agencies he could locate. He also had been to the Stardust hotel and the bus terminal twice in order to show Julia´s photograph to the staff on duty on the various shifts, but to no avail. At the airport no one could recall seeing her either.

Her trail had grown cold, icy cold. The time that had passed while Joe had been in captivity, in hospital and then back to Houston had just been too long for anyone to remember her. Or perhaps she hadn´t even looked like she did on the photograph. Thinking about it he concluded that she must have used some disguise. She had said that she had planned her escape for a long time and as the daughter of a mob boss she certainly knew what she was up against.

Briefly Joe had considered to contact Greg Willberry, the colleague at the Las Vegas PD Levon had mentioned. But Joe knew he would get no information from that side. He wasn´t here on official business and he had no authority as a police officer in the State of Nevada.

While all possible options spun through his mind for the umpteenth time a single thought suddenly dissociated from the jumble of considerations and with an almost painful clarity the fact hit him like a sledge hammer that took his breath away.

Perhaps she hadn´t left on her own two feet, perhaps she had been tied and stuffed into a sack just like he had been.

Perhaps Julia had been dead by then.

Joe had been trying to find his way back from the bus terminal to the airport. It had not mattered how long it took him to get there. He only needed to catch the flight back to Houston the next morning and he could neither spare the money for a hotel room nor for a cab.

But now that one thought made Joe stop dead in this tracks. It was as if all his strength left him, all his determination was gone in the blink of an eye.

Looking around he found himself in a narrow backstreet. He could not go on. For a while he just stood there, oblivious to the things that went on around him, the people that passed him, the occasional vehicle that roared past. Slowly the surrounding grew quieter and then at last he was alone in the dark.

The inside of his soul had suddenly grown just as dark as the outside world.

Finally he sat down on the step of some backdoor and rested his head on his folded arms.

XIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIXIX

Reinstating Joe´s phone to its normal function changed nothing about the untrackability of the Italian.

First Levon fumed. What was that crazy Italian partner of his thinking to just vanish into thin air? He had repeatedly called Joe´s number but Joe had never picked up the phone. Neither was there another busy tone. In the evening Levon again went to the apartment, only to find the place empty and unchanged.

When Joe hadn´t turned up by morning Levon started to look through the Police reports of accidents and incidents of the last 24 hours. When he did not come across anything he started to call each and every hospital.

At last he called the morgue.

Joe remained unaccounted for, he seemed to have vanished without a trace.

With a heavy heart Levon got up from his desk and headed for Joanne´s door. Putting out an APB on Joe seemed to be the last resort.

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He couldn´t say how long he had been sitting there, alone in the dark.

Joe started up when all of a sudden a dark figure hovered over him. Instinctively he reached for his guns, immediately realizing that he was unarmed.

"Hey, man, you look like you could do with a little pick-me-up." Though Joe could not see the man´s face the voice did not seem menacing. The stranger crouched down and leveled himself down on the doorstep beside Joe, scrutinizing him with great interest. "Ran out of luck, brother?"

"Yeah, you could say that," Joe conceded.

"How much have yah lost?" the stranger asked while he pulled a hand-rolled cigarette and a lighter out of his jacket. He slowly lit the cigarette.

"About everything that has ever been dear to me," Joe said in a flat voice.

The stranger looked at him with a frown and handed Joe the cigarette. Joe turned it between his fingers and then slowly drew the smoke deeply into his lungs. He closed his eyes, feeling the other man´s eyes closely on him. But he did not care.

After a few draws the stranger took the joint of pot from Joe´s hand. When Joe wanted to protest he smiled. "Listen man, I see you´ve got it bad. And I´ve had a real streak of luck tonight. If you want some I´ll sell it to you for a real bargain price." He reached into his jacket again and drew out a small package.

Joe´s mind had wandered back to his captivity in the mountain cabin and he remembered how much the pot had helped him then. All of a sudden he longed for the joint with an aching desire. He reached for his wallet and opened it. He fingered for his last fifty dollar note and held it under the stranger´s nose.

"Hey, man, when I said bargain price, I didn´t mean to give it away for free!" But there was a note of mock severity in the protest.

"Sorry, that´s all I´ve got left."

"What the heck," the stranger muttered, took the money and put the package of pot into Joe´s hand. Without another word he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"And when did you think you were going to tell me this?" Joanne asked with a trace of barely concealed rage.

"Listen Joanne, it´s not like Joe bunked out of an assignment. As long as he is on sick leave he can do pretty much what he likes."

"Sorry to disappoint you, Levon, but that´s not how I see it, not if Joe jeopardizes his health with what he does." Joanne looked less angry than worried. "Whom did he tell the last time he took off?"

Levon looked puzzled. "He didn´t tell anyone."

"He did too, not directly, but indirectly." Joanne reached for the phone.

Minutes later Annie wheeled into the office. When Levon explained about Joe´s disappearing act she frowned. "I knew there was something behind his call."

"Joe called you? When?" Levon jumped up from the edge of the desk he had been sitting on.

"Yeah, he called me the day before yesterday and asked if it was ok to postpone the repayment of the money he had borrowed off me."

"Did he say what he needed the money for?" Joanne urged on.

"No, just that he hadn´t gotten around to go to the bank," Annie said contritely. She thought for a moment. "I think he did not call from home, now that I come to think of it."

"Where was he then?" Levon asked impatiently.

"From the background noises I remember I´d say he was at the airport."

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Joe put the package with the pot into the breast pocket of his jacket. He briefly considered to smoke some of it right away. But he did not want to run the risk of being picked up stoned on a backstreet in Las Vegas. He remained seated on the doorstep for the rest of the night, his mind strangely numb and a cloud of despondency hovering over him. Far down the street he could see the twinkling of the colorful neon lights of Sin City. They seemed to belong to a different solar system, one far beyond his reach.

When the dawn dimmed the sparkle of the artificial lighting he got up and slowly continued his way to the airport.

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Levon´s check with the airport quickly confirmed that Joe had taken a flight to Las Vegas. The employee at the counter also willingly asserted that Joe was booked on a return flight due at noon the next day.

Thought all this accounted for Joe´s absence, Levon, Joanne and Annie were all extremely uneasy about the whole matter. None of them dared to speculate about the reasons behind Joe´s travel to Las Vegas. And neither did any of them consider it a smart move on his side.

Levon proposed to call Greg Willberry but Joanne did not want to involve another Police department in a process that wasn´t even an investigation yet. She agreed, however, to Levon´s request to take some time off duty the next day to pick Joe up at the airport.

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For some inexplicable reason Joe´s flight from Las Vegas was delayed. Levon sighed and settled into one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs.

The enforced interval gave Levon the opportunity to think back to the time when Joe had been abducted. Levon had gone through hell when Joe had been kidnapped. Losing his partner had made Levon realize that Joe was more than just his partner on the job, even more than just his friend. Levon had asserted that Joe was like a brother to him. Joe was family. And Levon had resolved to tell Joe how important he was to him.

But then, when Levon had gone to South Lake Tahoe to pick Joe up and take him home everything seemed to have changed again. No honest mentioning of the underlying deep feelings. Levon shook his head as if arguing with himself. How could that stubborn Italian bring him to suppress everything he had been so determined to voice openly? Or was it that they just weren´t able to communicate properly?

Levon closed his eyes and evoked Joe´s picture before his mental eye. What he saw was not a stubborn guy who wouldn´t give. What Levon saw was rather an ailing man, someone deeply hurt and thrown off the rail by fate. Joe was sick at heart. Even if he was trying to hide it, it was quite obvious: Joe had been shaken to the core, he needed help though he wasn´t willing to accept it.

At last the loudspeaker announced the arrival of Joe´s flight and brought Levon out of his musings. He got up and approached the arrival gate. How long ago had it been that they had met for the first time right here? Back then it had been the beginning of a hard and rocky road, a road that had nonetheless taken them to a good partnership and finally even to a deep friendship.

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Levon almost gasped when the automatic doors opened and released his partner from the arrival area. What had happened to Joe? He looked pale, dark shadows underlined the dull eyes, the hollow cheeks were covered with a two-day old stubble. Joe´s expensive suit was creased and Levon would have bet his bottom dollar that Joe had been sleeping rough for at least two nights, if he had been sleeping at all, that was.

The man in front of Levon was a far cry from the smart fashion-conscious guy who had passed through the same doors back then.

Levon stepped into Joe´s path. The traveler looked up in surprise, he had been deep in thought. "Lundy, what are you doing here?"

"Just thought I could give you a lift home." Levon smiled noncommittally.

Joe looked at him suspiciously. "Wait, you´ve been spying on me…"

Levon stepped up close to his partner so that no one could hear what he was saying. "Listen Joe, you know I should drag you right to the Lieutenant´s office. She´s not at all thrilled that you took off without telling anyone and I can assure you that I´m not either." Levon´s eyes had narrowed while he was speaking.

The expression playing across Joe´s face was one of hurt and rising anger. Before he could say anything Levon pulled him along by the arm. "Joe, listen, I didn´t mean to spy on you. I was worried out of my mind when you were gone all of a sudden. How could you do this after everything that happened to you only recently?"

Joe didn´t answer. Instead he cast his gaze down and followed Levon to the parking lot without another word.

During the ride Levon watched his partner from the corner of his eye. Joe looked terribly exhausted. They had almost reached Joe´s street when the traffic got thicker and held Levon´s attention. All of a sudden Joe sat bold upright in the passenger seat and uttered through clenched teeth: "Pull over."

Due to the thick traffic Levon couldn´t avert his eyes from the street ahead but at once he heard the urgency in Joe´s voice. Looking into the back mirror he signaled to the vehicles behind him that he intended to pull up to the curb. He had hardly come to a screeching halt when Joe opened the door and staggered out, doubling over, retching.

Levon rounded the car and looked at the Italian in concern. "Boy, what´s with you? You look like death warmed over." He pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to Joe.

"It´s just that damn coffee I had on the flight. Guess my stomach wasn´t up to that disgusting brew." Joe wiped his lips and forehead. He was white as a sheet. Truth was that he had drunken three cups of strong coffee because it had been the only beverage that had come for free on the flight. He hadn´t been able to pay for a decent breakfast. He drew a shaky breath and noticed that Levon was watching him attentively.

Feeling awkward Joe got back into the car. "Come on, could we go now?"

Levon shrugged and got back behind the wheel. They passed the few minutes to Joe´s apartment in silence. At the door Joe fumbled for his keys. Levon beat him to it, producing the spare he kept for Joe´s door. He inserted it and opened the door, gesturing for Joe to get inside.

As Joe passed his partner he drew Levon´s key out of the lock. Quickly he stepped inside and turned back around, taking Levon completely by surprise and shoving him back out of the door that closed on the Texan immediately.

Levon was dumbstruck. "Hey, let me in, what do yah think yah doin´?" Levon banged on the door.

"Sorry Lundy, can´t do. Thanks for the ride. I can take care of myself from here. See you next week." Joe leaned his back against the inside of the door. He was glad that Levon could not see how he slid down to the floor as his knees gave way under him.

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Joe knew he had to clean up his act. If he didn´t want to risk being out of a job by the end of the next week he had to pull himself together. He was pretty sure that, had the Lieutenant picked him up at the airport instead of Lundy, she would have thrown him out right there and then. And she would have had any right to do so.

After a while Joe drew a deep breath and got up. He felt dizzy and still a bit nauseous but he ignored it. He headed for the spiral staircase and passing the fridge he retrieved a bottle of spring water. For a moment he hesitated and pulled open a drawer. His fingers got hold of a lighter and from the adjacent cupboard he took a saucer. He slipped both items into his jacket pocket and slowly mounted the stairs.

In his bedroom he was greeted by his own mirror image and he had to admit that he almost did not recognize himself. No wonder Levon had reacted so shocked when he had picked him up at the airport.

Slowly he laid out the items on the nightstand: the saucer, the lighter and last but not least the package of pot. He noticed that there were a few leaves of cigarette paper in the package.

He kicked off his shoes, slipped out of his jacket, dropped his trousers, pulled his shirt over his head and threw it behind himself heedlessly. When he was down to his boxers he sat down on the bed and took a long draft from the water bottle.

Then he started to examine the content of the package. With relief he realized that the pot was already cut with tobacco. Looked like the stranger had given Joe his own ready for use supply. Carefully he rolled the first cigarette and lit it. While he inhaled the smoke deeply, his free hand reached out to lift the receiver off the phone and he dropped it, the busy signal now echoing from somewhere on the far side of the nightstand. The joint burned down quickly and when Joe dropped the rest of the smoldering ember onto the saucer he was already rapidly drifting off.

Then his head hit the pillow and for the first time since he had left the hospital in South Lake Tahoe Joe really slept. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Levon refrained from telling their superior in what shape he had picked Joe up at the airport and what had happened afterwards. He wasn´t quite sure how Joanne would react but a rough guess led him to the conclusion that she wouldn´t be in the least amused.

Inwardly Levon hoped and prayed that Joe would come around in due time. He did not dare to imagine otherwise. Right now all he could do was wait for the end of Joe´s sick leave.

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When Joe woke he felt unexpectedly refreshed. Under the influence of the drug he had slept 16 hours without interruption.

For the week left until a final medical check would confirm that he was fit for active duty, Joe put himself under a strict regime. He pulled himself together with all the will power he could muster. He cleaned up his apartment. He forced himself to eat and drink regularly even though his appetite was nonexistent. He did not yet feel up to the physical training he usually preferred. So he started out for extended walks to regain physical fitness.

Slowly his constitution improved. He regained weight, he lost the haggard look and the dark rings under his eyes. The light sun tan made him appear altogether healthier.

Only problem were the nights. Whereas the self-imposed daytime routine kept Joe busy, at nighttime the tendency to brood, the guilt he felt for the loss of Julia and the resulting despondency hit him with a vengeance. On top of everything the uncertainty as to her destiny was constantly draining his resources.

So when Joe was about to spend another night tossing and turning he decided without a second thought to use the remaining pot as a substitute for the sleeping pills the doc had denied to provide.

And he did use it continuously from then on.

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Dr. Stevens had carefully read the report from the hospital in South Lake Tahoe. Then he had thoroughly examined the young police officer who had come in the hope of receiving his clean bill of health to return to active duty. But something about the whole matter bothered the doctor.

"Is this all the hospital gave to you when you were discharged?" The doc pointed at the two sheets of paper his patient had handed him in an envelope. It was a full report on the physical condition the patient had been in when he had been admitted, the treatment he had received and the surgery he had undergone. It ended stating the condition in which the patient had been discharged. But normally the doc would also have expected to receive a psychiatric evaluation because the young officer had been subjected to a severe trauma of a quite violent nature.

Joe feigned ignorance. "This is all they gave me, doc."

"How are you feeling?" The doc scrutinized Joe with a stern gaze. He remembered Joe LaFiamma from previous occasions. Just like many cops the young man tended to downplay his medical problems.

"Oh, in general I feel ok." Joe hesitated. He did not want to lie to the physician and before he came here he had resolved to openly address the health problems he was battling against. But now that the opportunity presented itself he found it hard to say what was bothering him.

"And in particular?" the doc asked with an open smile, encouraging the young man to speak his mind.

"Ah, yeah, well…I wanted to ask if I could get some sleeping pills."

"So you have difficulties to sleep?" The doc could not really see any signs of fatigue on the patient´s face.

"Yeah, in fact I hardly sleep at all. And it kind of gets to me." Joe could hardly meet the doc´s eyes.

The physician looked again at the file. "I see that you were supplied with strong painkillers when you left the hospital. Have you continued to take them? Are you still in pain?"

"Yeah, I have to admit that the pain has become somewhat constant, even the medication hasn´t really made a difference in the past few days." Joe wanted the doc to help, he wanted the more potent drugs to help him sleep and get rid of the constant pain in his lower back. If ever there was a chance to voice his discomfort openly now was the time.

"Mr. LaFiamma, do you really want to go back to active duty? I mean, if you´re not yet feeling well enough…"

"Yes, sure, I want to work again. In fact, I couldn´t take another day at home."

The doc sat up more straight in his chair and picked up his pen. "The pyelitis you had is a very severe illness. Your whole system might seem to be back to normal but your kidneys are still vulnerable to strong medications like sleeping pills and pain killers." He jotted down something in the file. "That´s why I have to insist on ending the application of both types of drugs as of now."

"But doc…" Joe started to protest.

"Listen, young man, it´s just for your own good. If you go on popping those pills like tic tacs you will inflict serious long-term damage upon many of your organs, not just your kidneys." The doc held Joe´s eyes with his stern gaze. "I will allow you to return to a desk job for the next two weeks. If that turns out well you may resume full active duty afterwards."

Joe swallowed. "Yeah, ok, thanks doc."

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"This the last report we need to prepare for the DA?" Levon looked across his desk to where Joe was sitting.

The dark haired detective was slumped in his chair, a folder in front of him, seemingly in the middle of leafing through the pages, now and then reading something. He looked up and shook his head. "Another two to go," he mumbled.

Levon frowned. Of the pile of ten he had worked his way through his share of five. Then he had started on the next two. If Joe still had three, of which two remained untouched. It looked like he hadn´t even managed to finish the first file.

Levon was about to reach out for one of the files when he heard their Lieutenant´s voice behind him: "Lundy, Gutierrez, I need you to carry out an arrest." Joanne was standing in her office door, waving a piece of paper. Levon picked up his jacket and hat. Joe hadn´t even looked up from his reading.

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When Levon and Esteban returned two hours later Joe was gone. The three reports still lay on Joe´s desk, one face down, opened somewhere near the middle, the other two seemingly undisturbed. Levon strolled over to the perking coffee pot and poured himself a mug. Then he settled into his chair and started typing his report on the arrest they had just carried out. It was almost an hour later when Levon realized that Joe´s jacket was gone as well.

"What happened to my partner?" he asked Carol when she passed by his desk.

"I have no idea, Levon, when I came back from lunch Joey was already gone," the good-looking blonde, whom everyone just called "Legs" replied.

Unsure Levon leaned back in his chair. He had really been glad to have his partner back. Even if Joe was confined to his desk for a while, it still meant that he was there right in front of Levon. Nothing could happen to him, Levon could relax. He could stop worrying. Or at least that was what he had thought.

Looking back now Levon had to admit that this was not the partner he used to know. Joe had changed. In what way was hard to grasp. The man was quiet to the extreme. He only spoke when addressed and only about work related issues. He contributed little or nothing to their cases and after a while Levon could see that all Joe did was keep up appearances. On top of everything Joe was gloomy, if not downright depressed and he wasn´t able to focus on the job.

While all these thoughts passed through Levon´s mind he suddenly noticed that Joanne was standing in her open office door. She looked at him intently and when she met his eyes she signed him to come over.

Reluctantly Levon got up and walked over to her office. She sat down at her desk and nodded towards the chair in front of her desk. He drew the door shut behind him. There was approval in her eyes. With a sigh Levon sat down.

For a short moment they just held each other´s gaze.

Then Joanne started to speak. "I let him go home. He came in and said he had a headache. He asked if he could leave." The only notion Levon could perceive in her voice was worry. "He didn´t look good. Did the two of you two talk recently?"

"No." Levon shook his head.

"It would be good if Joe confided in someone." Her eyes were pleading.

"I wished he would. But you know how he is." Levon shrugged. But the gesture of vague indifference betrayed his true feelings.

"What do you think we should do?" she asked, a trace of insecurity in her voice. Joanne was a strong superior and she normally did not seek guidance. But she knew that Levon and Joe had a special relationship.

"I have no idea," he said, resigned.

Joanne nodded. "Try to find out what´s wrong, Levon. If you can´t I will have to involve Tom Frazer." Tom was one of the shrinks in charge of the police force.

He nodded and got up.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The doc´s verdict had given Joe no choice.

Of course Joe had wanted to go back to his work. He had always loved his work, had seen it as a calling rather than a mere job that earned him a living. And without admitting it he hoped going back to his work would ward off the gloomy thoughts.

But it also didn´t take him long to find out that he wasn´t up to the job, yet. Every day the pain in his back had tortured him and today, on top of things he had come down with a piercing headache around noon. The lieutenant had let him go but she had raised an eyebrow, which he mistook for disapproval instead of the underlying worry. Joe had been embarrassed about being such a sissy. He had not wanted to quit but he had just felt too sick. But what was even worse, he was sick at heart.

First he wanted to take a cab but due to his chronic lack of cash he decided to walk at least some of the way. He did not consciously chose a direction. Deep in thought he wandered aimlessly through the busy streets until he at last found himself in the more rundown and quiet areas of Houston.

Joe plodded along and just like in Las Vegas he was suddenly approached by a druggie. This time he wore his set of arms and instinctively reached for one of his weapons.

"Hey man," the druggie raised his hands defensively and took a step back.

Joe waved the man to go on and looked at his back as the druggie passed and disappeared. The temptation to seek out a dealer and to buy some pot popped up in Joe´s mind.

As it turned out the pot had been long gone by the end of his sick leave and the insomnia had returned with a vengeance. Joe had tried to divert his attention, to take his thoughts off Julia and her unknown fate by roaming the dark streets of Houston for hours. When he had returned to his apartment he had tried to sleep. But sleep just wouldn´t come.

Now that he was back at work for a week…well, actually he hadn´t really worked at all during that first week, he realized that he would have to see the doc again or take other measures to tackle the problem. Though Joe suspected that Levon had noticed something, the Texan had given no indication. On his night-time walks Joe had encountered the occasional dealer of some drug or other. But he did not want to buy anything in his own backyard. Even though he knew who to contact in Houston he did not dare to imagine the consequences of any illegal dealings he might get involved in. He could easily become the target of extortion or worse if any criminal in Houston learnt that he was involved in the drug business, even if it was only for his own consumption.

Then there was the money problem. Joe still needed to repay the loan to Annie. His apartment was so expensive that he was always short of cash. If he had to pay for a fare to get to another town to buy pot he was facing a serious money problem. And the pot was expensive as well. For a moment Joe considered to contact Uncle Mikey in Chicago. But what should he tell him? Deep down inside he knew that this wasn´t an option either.

Unaware of the route he had been taking Joe did not even notice that he was at last standing in front of his apartment building.

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When his partner did not answer the door Levon got back behind the wheel of his Jimmy and waited. He wondered where Joe could have gone other than home. Had Joe´s complained about a headache been a fake? Levon settled into the seat and prepared himself for a long wait.

But he did not have to wait for long. He saw Joe come towards the apartment building from the opposite end of the street. Joe was dragging his feet, he looked as if the weight of the world was on his shoulders. He seemed oblivious to anything around him.

Levon had enough time to study his partner. What he saw worried the Texan. Looking closely Levon could easily tell that Joe wasn´t doing well. The younger man looked tired to the extent of exhaustion. His shoulders slumped forward and moving seemed to demand more strength from the man than he could muster. He looked as if he was fighting a storm blowing in his face.

At last Joe reached the front door of the apartment complex. He halted and just stood in front of the door, as if he was undecided what to do. Levon got out of the Jimmy and quietly approached his partner. Joe did not make a single move, he seemed to be frozen.

Levon stepped up to his partner. "Joe?" he addressed him quietly.

Joe did not seem to be surprised. He looked at Levon with bleak eyes. "I should have known that the Lieutenant wouldn´t buy it," Joe said in a resigned tone.

"Bullshit, LaFiamma, I can hardly believe how little you know the people you´re working with. This is a far cry from what any of us is thinking about you," Levon said quietly, keeping his voice neutral. "And Joanne is as worried about you as I am."

Joe looked up and for a split second his gaze seemed like a cry for help. But before Levon had even registered it, Joe´s face closed and it showed nothing. It was a perfect mask, just like the one Joe put on when he interrogated a suspect. But he still did not move.

"Mind if I come up?" Levon asked probingly.

Joe shrugged. The gesture was one of total indifference. He fumbled for his keys and opened the door. Slowly they climbed the stairs to the apartment door. Joe acted as if he was in a trance. He unlocked the door and stepped inside. He put the keys on the kitchen counter and slid out of his jacket, uncharacteristically dropping it heedlessly to the floor. He had obviously forgotten that Levon was following him.

Joe ascended the spiral staircase, heavily setting one foot in front of the other. It was as if all his strength was draining from his body. He hardly made it to his bed. He slumped down and buried his face in the pillow. He felt a heaviness he had never known before.

Levon followed his partner upstairs. Joe´s indifference worried Levon more than his usual belligerence would have done. Unsure what to do Levon just sat down on the opposite side of the bed and waited. He was determined not to give in, no matter how long it took.

But it didn´t take long.

Joe turned around and sat up on the bed, his face blank.

"Joe?"

There was no reaction.

"Joe, what´s wrong?" Levon did not move his eyes away from his partner.

"I…I just can´t sleep, haven´t in days. I am so damn tired." Joe lay down again, shifting on the bed as if trying to find a comfortable position.

Levon would never have expected what came next.

"Could you stay with me for a while?" Joe´s voice was just a whisper as he rolled onto his back and looked at Levon with a weary yet pleading expression.

"Sure," Levon answered, trying hard not to let his acute worry show.

When Joe did not move again, Levon cautiously started to undress his partner until only boxers and T-shirt remained. Joe let it happen without any fuss. Then he rolled onto his side and drew up his knees like a child. When Levon covered him with the blanket he was already asleep.

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"Why don´t you stay home for the day?" Levon asked as he handed Joe the mug with fresh coffee the next morning.

"No, no need, I´m fine."

"I can talk to Joanne, I am sure she´ll understand," Levon tried again, wondering if what he had seen in Joe´s eyes had been a flicker of anguish.

"No, really, there´s no need for that. Yesterday was just an especially bad day," Joe tried to downplay his condition of the previous evening. Staying at home on his own was the last thing he wanted to do. He lowered himself down onto the couch and as a stab of hot pain shot through his lower back he cringed.

"Yah in pain?" Levon scrutinized his partner. He was sure the man was hiding something from him.

"Just a bit, it´s still my back. But it´s getting better every day," Joe lied.

"And the insomnia?"

Joe shrugged noncommittally.

"Did you talk to the doc about it?" Levon wasn´t willing to drop the subject just yet.

"What do you think? Sure I did," Joe said indignantly.

"And?"

"And what?"

"What did the doc say? Why wouldn´t he give you anything for the pain?" Levon felt like he was pulling teeth.

Joe made a dismissive gesture. "He said he can´t give me anything, any medication would be too harmful for my kidneys."

"Oh."

While Levon was still turning the implications over in his mind, Joe jumped up and set his half empty mug down on the counter.

"Come on, let´s get going," he said with forced enthusiasm. "I did sleep last night, didn´t I? So I guess it´s gonna be ok."

To himself he thought that the experience of the past weeks had taught him otherwise. Admitting to the physical problems had been the bait Joe had offered to Levon in order to sidetrack his partner. By no means was he going to give away what was really bothering him: the gnawing and continually growing pain and guilt over Julia´s unknown fate. Those emotions were pulling him down more and more every day and the resulting despondency was threatening by now to enveloped his mind in an impenetrable black cloud.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

"Where do you want to hop off, son?"

"Just stop at the next intersection. Thanks for the ride, Jono." Joe picked up his bag and jacket. The truck came to a screeching halt and Joe opened the door of the towing vehicle.

"My pleasure son, has been real nice to have such pleasant company on the ride." The weather beaten face of the old truck driver was beaming at Joe. The truck accelerated and seconds later it was out of sight.

It was Sunday night and Joe was glad to be back home. He was a few blocks away from his apartment and as he plodded along the few blocks towards his home the weekend passed before his mental eye.

Over the past three months he had tried to develop a survival strategy.

During the week Joe worked, worked hard at keeping up appearances. The weekends took him to the neighboring cities to buy pot. Joe knew he was running a high risk but he saw no alternative. Without the pot he couldn´t sleep, he could not survive the gloomy nights and the dull pain. He had tried, had really wanted to make it work, but in the end he had just given in. In order to cover his criminal activities Joe had frequented the derelict and rundown quarters of Dallas, Austin, San Antonio and Ford Worth. It hadn´t been easy. Every new town had been a new challenge, a new risk. He had made it a rule to never go to the same town on two consecutive weekends.

At first Joe had gone by Greyhound. But towards the end of the second month his financial reserves had been drained. So he had resorted to hitchhiking, a means of transportation he hadn´t used since his adolescence. It wasn´t as reliable as a bus schedule but so far he hadn´t made any bad experience and he had always found someone to take him along. Today it had taken him longer to get a lift. When he at last unlocked the door to his flat it was near midnight.

He threw down his jacket and did not bother to head up the stairs. Instead he shed his smelly creased clothes and slumped down on the couch in the living room, retrieving the package of pot from the bag with one hand and the lighter from the coffee table with the other. Hastily he unpacked the drug and mixed it with tobacco. He had no illusions about the quality. He hadn´t been able to spend much on the stuff and now he was broke. Pretty sure that the pot was already cut to a poor quality Joe increased the dose as he rolled the first joint.

When he finally was able to light the hand-rolled cigarette with trembling fingers he reclined onto the couch and drew in the smoke greedily. Slowly he felt the tension leave his body. The images before his closed eyes started to swirl and before long he wondered at the colors his otherwise so grey world took on. His last conscious thought was how lucky he was that Levon hadn´t found him out yet.

But then Joe ran out of luck.

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The frantic pounding of Levon´s fist on his door and his partner´s hollering brought Joe around suddenly. He bolted upright and still under the influence of the generous overdose of pot, his brain was unable to grasp the situation. He staggered to the apartment door, and as his gaze met his reflection in the mirror beside the door, all Joe could take in were his own large black dilated pupils. As if in a trance he reached for his sunglasses beside the keys and put them on.

"Yah forgot to set your alarm clock again, LaFiamma?" Levon said in a teasing tone as the door opened. It wasn´t unusual for the Italian to oversleep, especially on a Monday. Unusual was, however, that Joe was wearing sunglasses. At once Levon suspected his partner to suffer from a hangover.

All of a sudden Joe seemed to come to his senses and he tried to push the door shut again. But Levon had already set a foot into the crack and the door was blocked by his boot.

"Yah nuts, LaFiamma?" Levon pushed the door open and stepped forward.

The massive release of adrenaline, the too abrupt movement and the realization of his own false reaction made Joe´s stomach ripple first, then churn. The onslaught of nausea forced him to step back and he rushed to the kitchen sink.

Levon took in the change of Joe´s complexion with surprise. The unusual paleness took on a greenish hue before Joe turned away from the door and rushed to the kitchen sink, bending over, puking. Levon stepped behind his partner and when the Italian at last stopped retching and threatened to slip down to the floor, Levon caught the younger man and pulled him backwards until they both settled safely on the couch.

Levon looked at Joe in concern. "Man, you don´t look so good, what wrong?" He reached out to pull off Joe´s sunglasses.

But Joe slapped Levon´s hand away. "Don´t, it´s hurting."

Levon withdrew his hand. "What´s hurtin´?"

"The migraine," Joe lied, turning his face away from Levon.

Levon took in the room, the clothes on the floor, the slightly sweet smell. At last his eyes halted on the coffee table with the package of cut pot, the lighter and the saucer. Slowly he reached out and got hold of the cigarette butt. He lifted it to his nose and smelled it. There was no mistaking.

"Damnit, LaFiamma, what the hell do you think you´re doing?" Levon held the cigarette butt in his right hand as his left shot forward and pulled the sunglasses from Joe´s eyes. The black pupils said it all. "Since when have you been doing this?"

"This was the first time," Joe uttered in despair.

Levon´s hand dropped the cigarette butt and shot forward again, grabbing the front of Joe´s shirt, pulling the Italian close. "Stop lying to me, Joe, and yah better stop lying to yourself as well. Who do yah think you´re foolin´?" Levon´s eyes had narrowed with fury. When he realized that Joe started to swallow convulsively and breathe frantically, Levon let go. Quickly he got up, grabbed a tea towel and soaked it in cold water. Back at Joe´s side he cautiously wiped his partners pale face with the cold cloth.

At last Joe´s breathing eased. But he kept his eyes shut, ashamed to reveal the unmistakable proof of the drug consumption. When he wanted to turn away from Levon, the Texan held him back. "Talk to me, boy." Levon´s voice had lost its edge. It was soft and full of worry. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

At last Joe opened his eyes and Levon thought that they looked like large windows granting a rare view far out into a vast and infinite universe.

When Joe spoke, his voice was small. "I know you will have to tell the Lieutenant…" he tried not to think of the consequences this would have, that his life would now ultimately take a turn for the worse. He should have known, should have seen the inevitable coming long ago.

But Levon said nothing for a long while. Then he got up. "We´ll talk tonight. You stay put and don´t do anything stupid, yah hear?"

Joe nodded contritely.

"Do you need help to get upstairs?"

Joe shook his head. "I think I´ll rather stay on the couch for now."

Levon nodded. He stepped up to the fridge and checked its content, finding nothing inside except a few slices of toast gathering mold and half a bottle of milk. He sniffed at the milk, making a disgusted face. The milk was sour. He threw the bread into the trash and emptied the bottle of milk into the sink, turned on the water and cleaned away the mess of curdled milk and vomit.

Then he turned to Joe: "I´ll fetch some groceries, will be back in a few minutes."

When Levon returned half an hour later he found Joe dozing on the couch. Levon set some water to boil on the stove and stored the milk, bread and eggs away in the fridge. Then he poured the boiling water into a mug over a teabag with herbs. As he set down the mug of tea on the coffee table beside Joe he reached for the package of pot and stuffed it into his jacket pocket.

"Please," Joe sat up on the couch, reaching out, but Levon pushed him down and got hold of a blanket with which he covered his partner.

"Listen Joe. All I want to do is help you, but I can´t do anything against your will." Levon transfixed Joe with a stern gaze. "I will come back after my shift for some serious talking. I don´t want to find you here stoned or worse. Is that understood?"

Joe nodded.

"Ok. Drink that tea. Sleep it off. I´ll see yah tonight." With that Levon headed for the door. In passing he got hold of the spare key Joe had taken from him a few weeks ago. "I´ll take this, if yah don´t mind." Then he was gone.

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Being late for work on a Monday morning wasn´t that unusual in the Major Crimes Unit. The most likely candidates for it were Lundy and LaFiamma. And the cause was always LaFiamma. Joanne looked at her watch. But two hours were by no means a normal and tolerable delay for the beginning of a working week. She was starting to feel a rising anger when she saw her former partner Levon Lundy enter the bullpen.

She got up and stepped into the door of her office, beckoning him to come over. "Good morning, Levon."

He tipped his fingers to his hat. "Morning Joanne. Sorry for being late."

She nodded but said nothing else, her gaze wondering to the squad room door as if expecting Joe to come strolling in after Levon. When he didn´t, she shot a questioning look at the Texan.

"Joe won´t be coming in today," Levon said, taking off his hat and running his hand through his hair.

Joanne frowned. "Hangover?"

"No, no, when I wanted to pick him up he was puking his guts out and he had a migraine-like headache. Maybe a virus of sorts," Levon lied, though he did not feel good about it. "Might keep him down tomorrow as well," he added in a casual tone, secretly gauging Joanne´s reaction.

Joanne shrugged. Joe had been a very reliable detective, she mused. Until…until his abduction in Las Vegas. After that his sick leave had increased and Levon´s and his case closure rate had plummeted. She made a mental note to speak to Levon about it. "You can join Esteban and help him with the interviews of the suspects we picked up during the nightclub razzia."

The interviews were a tiresome Business, and when they were through Esteban and Levon headed for Chicken´s for lunch.

"I hope Joe will be back on payday," Esteban said, wiping his mouth with the napkin.

"Why´s that?" Levon enquired.

"He promised to repay the money I lent him. I need it to go down to Mexico to see my family," Esteban explained.

"You lent him money too?" Chicken asked. He had overheard Esteban´s remark when he collected the empty plates.

By now Levon was more than suspicious. "How much does he owe you?" he asked in a casual tone.

"Two hundred bucks," Esteban said.

"He talked me out of three hundred," Chicken laughed. "But to be honest, I didn't expect him to repay it so soon." The black man laughed.

Levon mood darkened. He knew Joe had also borrowed money from Annie. After their lunchbreak Levon knocked on Annie´s door.

"Come in," the wheelchair bound colleague called without looking up from her microscope.

"Annie, did Joe repay the money you gave him for the ticket to Las Vegas?" Levon was nervously running the rim of his hat through his fingers.

She looked at him skeptically. "Well, Levon, you know that is something between Joey and me."

"I know Annie, but I am worried about the boy. I think he´s in trouble."

"How do you figure?"

"Annie, you´re not the only one." Levon hoped she would tell him the truth.

"Well, as it is, Joey did not repay the money. But I gave him another three hundred a week ago. He said he asked Joanne for an advance, but she did not grant it. So he came to me."

Levon cringed inwardly. What he had learnt in the last hour made him feel deeply uneasy. He headed for Joanne´s office. She was on the phone and when she finished the call, Levon had already resolved to keep her out of the matter. When he turned around to leave she called after him.

"Anything on your mind, Levon?" She could easily read him. She had known him far too long as not to notice his worry.

He turned back to face her. "Annie said that Joe asked for an advance?"

"Yes, he did twice, actually. But I could not grant it, not a month ago and not last week." Her face had been stern, but then it turned mellow. "Any reason why you should be asking this?" she wanted to know.

Levon shook his head. He did not want to fill her in on his suspicions. "I was just wondering why Joe didn´t ask me." She shrugged and Levon turned away and went back to his desk.

The puzzle was adding up to a frighteningly clear picture. Joe was spending lots of money. He was smoking pot. He was showing the typical behavior of an addict.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

When Levon unlocked Joe´s apartment door, he wasn´t sure what to expect. All during the day he had continuously turned all options over in his head, but now he couldn´t make up his mind how to start the imperative conversation with Joe.

Levon found his partner still on the couch, awake, but surrounded by an air of gloom and fatigue. Joe didn´t even look up as Levon sat down beside him.

"Did yah eat something?"

A shake of the head was the only reaction.

"Did yah at least sleep some?"

Again Joe shook his head. "I told you before I can´t sleep, that´s why I used the marihuana," Joe said defiantly.

"But you said you´d be ok a while ago, don´t yah remember? Yah should have told me you were far from ok." Levon could not suppress the reproachful tone.

"And what would you have done about it?" Joe retorted.

"I would have made you see a doc. Joe, how do you think this will go on? Do you want to end up sick, homeless, without a job, in jail or even dead?" Levon was tempted to get hold of Joe and shake him to see reason.

Joe started to sob. He felt utterly helpless. He saw absolutely no way out of the predicament he had manoeuvred himself into. The tension and despair of the past weeks were violently seeking an outlet.

His partner´s reaction made Levon bend towards Joe and he got hold of the younger man, pulling him to rest against his shoulder. He felt that the tense body started to shake with convulsive crying and just held on.

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Joe cried for a long time. At last his tears ran dry and though he wasn´t closer to a solution to his problems he felt slightly better. He sat up and realized that he had soaked Levon´s shirtfront with his tears. He reached out and touched the wet fabric.

"I´m sorry," he said, his face showing a trace of his typical boyish smile.

Levon returned the smile. "That don´t make no never mind." He rubbed at his shirt front.

"I know I slept the one time you stayed here." Joe wiped his face. "Perhaps you could stay tonight."

"Joe, I don´t mind staying here. But this can´t be a permanent solution. You need to stop taking drugs. Don´t you realize that you are violating the law you swore to protect?"

Joe felt ashamed. "I know, I know. But I only did it to get some peace and quiet. I just bought it and used it for myself."

"But how long do you think you can go on like this?" Levon wanted Joe to see where his behavior would inevitably be leading to. "You´re already owing large sums of money to most of your friends. How do you think you will ever be able to repay them?"

First Joe´s jaw dropped open. Then he sat up and shot Levon a furious gaze. "You spied on me, how dare you…"

"I didn´t. Esteban asked about you and he said he needed his money back to go see his family in Mexico. But you never intended to repay it, did you?" Levon held Joe´s gaze. "And Chicken overheard the conversation. Guess what he told me? I didn´t even have to ask him. And Annie, you used her too. Only Joanne you couldn´t sweet talk into giving you an advance."

Joe had gone quiet again. He knew Levon was right.

"Just think, Joe. When no one will give you any more money what will you do? Do the next logical thing? Become a dealer, become a criminal yourself, steal and cheat?"

Joe swallowed hard. It was over. "Will you tell Joanne?"

"There is only one way I can help you, Joe. You must never again use drugs, never, you hear? And no one must ever learn anything about what you did. Because if anyone finds out I will be involved as well. And I will not be able to help you then."

Even as Joe spoke the words, Levon had a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had heard these words before. His father, an incurable alcoholic, had used the same phrase many times.

"I promise. I promise never to take any drugs ever again." Though Joe´s face couldn´t be more honest, Levon knew, that just like his own father, his partner would break the promise.

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During the next week Joe really made an effort.

Levon spent the nights at Joe´s apartment so the Ex-Chicagoan wouldn´t be alone. The first night was ok, Joe was exhausted and his body eagerly demanded sleep. But the days that followed were full of pitfalls. The symptoms of detoxification were numerous, hard to hide and they varied. Often Joe was moody or even downright depressed. During daytime their job kept them busy, but the nights were hardest. Some nights Joe couldn´t sleep at all, some nights he had nightmares and Levon woke him, wiping the cold sweat from Joe´s face. Then Levon would stay up with him, talk to him and try to ease his partner´s fears until Joe finally calmed down again.

On another day Joe flung profanities at Levon for no apparent reason. He did not utter a single word of thank when Levon cleaned up after him when Joe had been sick all over the bathroom floor. Levon just dragged him to his bed and tugged him in nonetheless.

One afternoon, when Levon was in court, Joe left the bullpen early on a pretext and Levon found him in the apartment, plastered and in a belligerent mood. "Leave me alone!" was all Joe shouted over and over again.

Levon endured it all stoically, hoping for a change.

The next day Joe was feverish and when Levon left for work alone he locked the younger man in for fear that Joe would go out to get drugs.

Then finally after a week a slight change for the better came. Joe looked less haunted. He seemed more at ease. He slept most of the nights. He ate more regularly.

Levon felt relieved.

But then Joe blew it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Joanne stormed out of her office waving a piece of paper: "This is the arrest warrant for Alvarez. Joe-Bill´s snitch called and said he saw the guy at the _Alamo Bar and Grill_." Her eyes flew around the bullpen. There wasn´t a large number of detectives to choose from.

"Levon, Joe, go and take that guy in." She dropped the warrant on Levon´s desk.

The Texan got up and picked up his hat. "Come on, LaFiamma, let´s get this over with before we call it a day."

Joe grabbed his jacket and trailed along.

The _Alamo Bar and Grill_ was a typical hangout for dubious folks. Levon went in the front while Joe went around the building and approached the place from the back street, keeping an eye on the back door.

They were lucky, Alvarez was among the few people clinging to the bar. He realized pretty quickly that he was the object of Levon´s scrutiny and tried a disappearing act towards the back door. When he stepped out into the open he encountered Joe, who was waiting for him patiently. Levon followed him and within seconds Alvarez was caught just outside the back door between Levon and Joe.

While Levon grabbed the small time dealer by the collar, Joe reached out to search the guy. From the dealer´s jacket pocket Joe retrieved a package with various drugs: assorted pills and a small quantity of pot in an obviously uncut quality.

The sight of the package of pot electrified Joe. All of a sudden he wanted nothing more than to take the stuff and get stoned. The urge possessed him with an unexpected force. His attention was diverted and Alvarez, who had been tense as a spring, seized his chance at once. While Joe was still gazing at the drugs as if under hypnosis, and Levon looked down to reach for the handcuffs, Alvarez spun around. Raising his right leg and whirling around on a dime, he gathered momentum and rammed his foot into Levon´s ribs. The Texan flew against the wall behind him, sliding down to the ground with a painful moan as the wind was knocked out of him.

Joe looked dumbstruck. Valuable seconds passed in which he was torn between helping his partner and securing the drugs. When he came out of his trance Alvarez was already halfway down the street. Joe sped after the dealer who quickly disappeared around the corner towards the main road. When Joe reached the intersection, there was no sign of Alvarez. A few angrily honking horns far down the road gave an indication of the distance the dealer had put between them. Joe stopped in his tracks, it was useless to pursue the dealer. He wouldn´t be able to catch up with the guy.

As Joe turned back into the side street his hands as if of their own volition quickly separated the package of pot from the pills. Without thinking he tugged the pot into a hidden pocket under his waistband. The plastic bag with the pills was carefully stored away in an official evidence bag which he slipped into his breast pocket.

When Joe stepped back towards the backdoor of the _Alamo Bar and Grill_ he felt ashamed. Levon was still sitting on the ground, his hand pressed against his ribcage, his face a mask of pain. Joe crouched down beside his partner.

"Is he gone?" Levon croaked.

Joe nodded. It had been his fault. And on Levon´s face he could unmistakably read that Levon knew this as well.

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"We just had a few emergency patients brought in from a pile-up on the motorway. They will be in for the x-rays first. Sorry Sergeant Lundy, you will have to wait ´til after we are through with them." The doc at the emergency room at Mercy General looked at the list of people he had on a clip board. Then he eyed his pain stricken patient. "If you want to lie down ´til then, there are a few stretchers in the next room. I will ask a nurse to give you a pain killer."

Levon gingerly rose from the chair in the waiting room. "Thanks Doc, much obliged." Then he turned to Joe. "Why don´t you go back to the precinct and start that report of yours?" The look he gave Joe was piercing. "It´s better to start right away, so you don´t miss any important details."

Joe cringed. He knew exactly what Levon was implying. He did not want to start a discussion right here and now. With a nod he said: "Call me when you need a lift, ok?"

Levon returned the nod and headed for the adjacent room where he was received by a middle-aged nurse. Then the door was closed on Joe.

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Joe´s thoughts didn´t stay focused on his partner for long. As soon as he returned to the plain wrap car they had used for the arrest he fumbled for the package of pot. It was still safely tugged away in the small pocket inside his waistband. He started the car and considered what to do first. He was only a few blocks away from Reisner when he turned around on a whim. It would be better to go to his apartment first and hide the pot. Now that Levon thought he was over the drug, he would probably move back to his own place. That would give Joe the chance to use the drug unnoticed by the Texan.

Depending on the severity of Levon´s injuries the Texan would for sure want to stay at his own place for a while. Elated by the prospect of regaining his privacy, Joe almost itched to go home and consume the marihuana at once.

The sharp sound of a horn on his left brought Joe´s attention back to the road. In passing he took in the menacing red traffic light he had negated. From the corner of his eye he saw a truck come right at him and on reflex he hit the break hard. Simultaneously he yanked the steering wheel sharply to the right. He saw the truck pass inches before him to the other side of the intersection. As his own car came to a violent halt at the curb, Joe painfully realized that he had been too preoccupied to buckle in the seat belt.

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Joanne fumed. What was it with Lundy and LaFiamma these days? She could remember a time when the two men had been her best team of detectives. Of course that had only been after they had been paired for a while and had finally stopped butting heads all the time.

Now they weren´t even capable of carrying out a simple arrest. Depending on their report she was considering to take measures. Perhaps a reprimand would make them come to their senses. Or, if they had acted negligently, she could consider a short interval of suspension. Not that she liked to do such things. Normally she would rather compliment than reprimand her people. She was a loyal and benevolent boss, but these two had had it coming to them for some time. Joe wasn´t up to much good since his abduction and Levon had a tendency to cover for his partner that she just couldn´t ignore any longer.

Carol O´Brian´s knock on her door brought her out of her musings. "Lieutenant, dispatch reported an accident with one of our plain wraps a few blocks away."

"What plain wrap?" She jumped out of her chair. Couldn´t be Levon or Joe, they were probably still at the hospital.

"Motor pool confirmed that it´s the vehicle Lundy and LaFiamma took this morning."

"Shit, are they ok?"

Carol shrugged. "There was no one in the car when the patrol team arrived."

"Are you kidding? Don´t tell me they left the site of the accident!" Joanne stormed out of her office. "Joe-Bill, Carol, you two go and find them. And I don´t want you to come back empty handed."

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A citizen´s call about an injured and obviously armed individual brought officer James McInny and his rookie partner Vern Farlow to the side street a few blocks away from Reisner. They parked their patrol car a few yards down the road and as they approached the address given by dispatch, McInny could see the young man sitting on the steps in the doorway. He had dark hair and was wearing an expensive suit. But his head was bent down and he was looking at his hands. They were covered with blood that was obviously dripping from his nose.

McInny approached the young man cautiously. "Sir, do you need help?"

The young man looked up and McInny could see that his eyes were a mite shocky. The suit jacket fell open and revealed an automatic pistol under each armpit.

"Sir, would you please raise your hands? I would like to take your pistols, if you don´t mind." If the guy was a criminal he would probably reject having them taken away. But he did not. Slowly he lifted his hands.

As McInny reached out and retrieved the guns, the young man said: "HPD…"

"Yes, Sir, I am. Can you tell me what happened to you?"

The young man shook his head which obviously caused him a great deal of pain. "No, I mean I am from the HPD…my ID…breast pocket…" he mumbled as he slumped forward towards McInny and lost consciousness.

McInny caught him and called over his shoulder: "Vern, call an ambulance."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Joanne paced the length of the ER waiting room. She could not really make sense of the reports she had received from the traffic team, the colleagues that had picked Joe up. It looked like Joe had driven the plain wrap into the sidewalk near an intersection and had vanished afterwards. Why he had left the vehicle after the crash was a mystery. There had been blood on the steering wheel of the car. But there did not seem to be another vehicle involved in the incident and no witnesses had called in.

When Joe had been brought in by the ambulance, he had been drifting in and out of consciousness. The docs were in the process of assessing his injuries. What had Joe been involved in? He had been at the hospital with Levon but then he had left. His ride had obviously headed away from Reisner. Where had he wanted to go and why?

All those questions raced through her mind when the door opened and Levon stepped out of the examining area.

"Joanne, that´s nice of you to pick me up. Then I don´t need to call Joe to give me a lift." Levon smiled at her but he looked a bit disheveled.

"Oh, Levon, how are you?" Joanne stammered. "I have to admit that I am not here for you, sorry."

He seemed stunned and looked around them as if searching for someone. "Oh, I´m ok. Only bruises, no broken ribs. I was lucky."

"Good. We´ll talk about it later, I really don´t understand how such a thing could happen during a simple arrest."

"Why are yah here then?" Levon enquired.

"It´s about the accident Joe was involved in."

"Accident?" Levon was alarmed, but before Joanne could explain a doc entered the waiting room.

"Anyone here for Joseph LaFiamma?"

Both Joanne and Levon stepped toward him and answered in unison. "Yeah, I am."

The doc was already heading down the main corridor towards the elevator. "We put Mr. LaFiamma in a room for tonight. Well, actually we think he should stay for a while."

As they went up to the third floor the physician explained. "He sustained a concussion, severe grade one or mild grade two, whichever you prefer. He also has a large bruise on his chest where he hit the steering wheel. We were not sure about the nosebleed and the frequent bouts of unconsciousness so we decided to extend the period of observation to forty-eight hours. Better be safe than sorry, as we say." He grinned as he held the door to the room open for them to enter. "No more than five minutes please."

Joanne entered and even though she could see that Joe was far from well she could not refrain from bursting out: "What did you think you were doing when you left the site of the accident, Sergeant?"

Joe squinted against the light and tried to sit up, obviously shocked by her remark. "What accident, Lieutenant?"

The doc, who was standing in the doorway, pulled her back by the sleeve. "This won´t do, Mam. You mustn´t excite the patient, he urgently needs to rest."

Joanne followed the doc back out. "Is it possible that he doesn´t remember what happened?"

"It´s not only possible, it´s highly probable. In fact, if he remembered the accident, I´d say he was a medical wonder." The doc seemed amused.

"Are you saying he can´t be held responsible for his actions after the accident?" she probed.

"That is exactly how I would put it. He was disoriented and frequently lost consciousness when he was brought in. You´ll excuse me now." The doc nodded a good-bye and headed back to the elevator.

Joanne did not know if she should be relieved or worried. Relieved because Joe could not be held accountable for his actions. This spared her having to suspend him on the grounds of the alleged misconduct. But she was also worried because of the severity of his condition. Quietly she reentered the room.

Levon was sitting on a chair beside the bed. Joe´s eyes were closed. The large vivid bruise on his forehead left no doubt as to the force of the impact with which he had hit the windscreen. The dark blotch formed a sharp contrast to the almost white face that was covered with a fine sheen of sweat. They had put Joe on an IV and the blinds had been lowered to ward off the harsh light.

Joanne sighed. There was no use in interrogating those two men today. Everything that had been on her mind for the last hour would have to wait until later.

"Come on, Levon, I´ll take you home," she said quietly. The answer surprised her. Though she could see that Levon wasn´t well either his rejection came across loud and clear.

"Thanks, Joanne. But I´ll stay here with Joe."

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But Levon did not feel up to staying in that hospital chair for long. At around midnight the doc came in and quietly addressed him:

"Mr. Lundy, you really should lie down, you´re not too well yourself." Levon started up in his chair, feeling every single bone in his body. He knew the doc was right. Slowly he got up. Joe seemed fast asleep. He wasn´t alone here, there would always be someone to watch over him.

"Yeah, I guess you´re right. I´ll be back in the morning."

Levon took a cab to Joe´s apartment. Though he felt incredibly tired, he first looked around the place. He had seen the package of pot Joe had taken from Alvarez, and he also knew why Joe had messed up the arrest. But everything looked just like it had when they had left in the morning. Most likely Joe hadn´t come back here before the accident.

So Levon slumped down on the couch and within minutes he was fast asleep.

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In the morning Levon first went to Reisner. He had left the Jimmy in the garage when they had taken out the plain wrap for the arrest the day before.

Joanne was already in her office, and when she saw him, she beckoned him to come over.

"Levon, the patrol team that picked Joe up yesterday gave these to me." She was holding up the evidence bag with the pills and other assorted drugs Joe had taken from Alvarez. "I don´t know when Joe will be up to it. So it would be good if you could type up that report."

Levon nodded though he wasn´t really in the mood for a desk job. For a short moment he regretted to have come in at all today. After all he was supposed to be on sick leave at least until the end of the week.

But Joanne wasn´t willing to drop the subject. "What happened during that arrest? How could Alvarez get away, I mean, you´re no rookies, are you?"

Levon felt annoyed. Babysitting his partner while he was on cold turkey had been hard enough. To make up an excuse why things had gone wrong yesterday was something he could easily do without.

"None of us could know that Alvarez has taken up kick-boxing since we last saw him," he said flatly.

Joanne looked at him in surprise. "I think we´ll have to talk about that, maybe when Joe is back." The frown on her face indicated that she couldn´t let this go so easily.

With a sigh Levon sat down at his desk and eyed the items the patrol team had secured: the evidence bag with the drugs, Joe´s set of arms, his ID and shield.

Slowly Levon started to type. Close to noon he had finished the report and headed for the hospital to see how Joe was doing.

He hadn´t expected what he found there.

"Mr. LaFiamma is gone," one of the nurses received him.

"Oh!" Levon was willing to take it as a good sign.

"He discharged himself," the doc said, coming out of his office. "Or as I would rather put it: he escaped, I am not sure why." The doc thought for a moment. "But he was very fidgety, I have to admit."

Levon did not wait to learn further details. He turned around and headed for Joe´s apartment.

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Joe had taken a cab home. He felt like shit but he had to get out of that place. He hated hospitals, always had.

He knew he had promised Levon to stay clear of the drugs. But when the pot had been dangling in front of his nose he had been unable to resist. What the heck, just this one more time. Why shouldn´t he? It was utterly up to himself. What did Levon have to say about this? Nobody had a right to tell him how to live his life. If he couldn´t live without it he had every right to use whatever drug he wanted to.

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Levon turned the key in the lock and his eyes fell right on his partner. Joe was sitting on the couch, rolling a joint between his fingers, ready to light it. As far as Levon could see there was no sign of the package of pot, though.

Levon threw Joe´s guns down on the coffee table and stepping forward he snatched the joint from Joe´s hand. Joe roared in frustration and anger, looking at the mixture of tobacco and pot that was covering the couch as the hand-rolled cigarette dissolved into pieces.

"How dare you!" he snarled, his hands pointlessly clawing at the crumbs.

The broken promise stood between them like a chasm that suddenly threatened to separate them once and for all.

Levon felt like a teenager again who had discovered that his father had broken that same promise again and again. He felt betrayed and used. And he felt utterly helpless. What was he supposed to do?

He was still in a state of mild shock when he saw Joe reach for one of his guns. Levon reacted on impulse. Just as acquired in his training he jumped towards his partner, ramming his shoulder into Joe´s chest. Hitting the fresh bruise on the Italian´s breast had the desired effect. As both men went down to the floor Joe let go of the gun. Noisily the weapon slithered across the floor and disappeared under the couch.

Joe cried out in pain as Levon pinned the younger man down to the floor beneath him. Levon felt the stabbing pain run through his own bruised ribs and he almost feared he would faint. Then there was silence. For a while neither of them moved. Levon felt his own heart race and as his breathing finally slowed he could feel that Joe´s heartbeat was just as furious as his own.

How could Joe direct a weapon against his own partner, Levon wondered? But what Joe whispered then suddenly turned Levon´s world upside down.

"Why didn´t you just leave me there?"

"Leave you where?"

"In that cabin up in the mountains," Joe whispered in a toneless voice.

Joe had not directed the gun against his partner.

He had intended to kill himself.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

The seconds ticked past and it seemed that the world had come to a standstill.

At last Levon spoke the dreaded words: "You mean I should have left you there to die, is that what you wanted, Joe?"

First Levon thought his partner would fail to answer. After what seemed to be an eternity Joe said: "Back then I didn´t want it. But looking back now I know it would have been better if it had ended there and then."

Levon remembered how Joe had cried at his shoulder only a week ago. All of a sudden he got an inkling that he had only caught a glimpse of the despair his partner was feeling. Back then Levon had thought he would find a way to help Joe. But now he wasn´t so sure about it.

The calm with which Joe had spoken was deeply unsettling. Levon rolled off his partner´s body and slowly turned to face him. The usually blue eyes had turned an eerie clouded grey. They were so full of hurt and despair that Levon swallowed hard. What was he supposed to do now?

He pulled Joe up onto the couch. Had Joe only acted on impulse or would he try again? How determined was the Italian?

A moan brought Levon out of his musings. Joe was clutching his head and his face had turned ashen. His eyes rolled back in his head as he slumped to one side and blacked out. With trembling fingers Levon reached for the phone and dialed 911.

tbc

Dear reader, a sequel to this story with the title _**Grounding**_ is now available. It would be nice to learn if you enjoyed the story, so feel free to review.


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